Look Both Ways

Today I was wasting time on Facebook when I wandered across an interesting photo album. One of my ex-boyfriends recently had a baby with his girlfriend and it was all the photos from the hospital and the first few days of the baby at home. I have to say he is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen and I couldn’t help but smile at the pictures. However, while I was smiling at the adorable baby, I couldn't help but think I am happy my life took a different direction. If I had stayed with him, would I be the new mother? Obviously no one can answer that question, but it got me thinking about life decisions and how different two paths can be when you are at a crossroads.

Nearly a year ago I was at one of these crossroads. On one hand I had good friends where I lived and a great job with a lot of future opportunities. But I was unhappy and that great job was not nearly as fulfilling as it was two years ago. I had two options – continue with my life as usual, or make a change. I decided to leave the job, and my amazing girlfriends, and take off to explore the world. Along with choosing to attend UW-Madison, this is one of the best life decisions I have ever made. I experienced so many wonderful things and met so many great people!

Today I am at another crossroads. On one side is the life I’ll have if I decide to stay here in the states. On the other is the life I’ll have if I decide to continue my travels and live abroad. I think about this decision a lot, as both have their own advantages and disadvantages. If I stay here I can marry a guy I love and do the whole family in the suburbs thing. Some days this seems so attractive – I already know what sports the kids would play and which schools they would go to. On occasion I can actually see this future ahead of me, and it is a perfectly wonderful option. Dinners with a husband who adores me, tailgating with fabulous friends, attending weddings and birthday parties – how nice does that look? There are drawbacks with this option though; mostly that it doesn’t allow me to continue doing what I love. I think if I chose this option I would be happy, but I would also be unhappy because I couldn’t continue to experience new cultures and see new countries.

The other option gives all of the great parts of that other plan up in exchange for exciting travel and unique experiences. I don’t know if that future holds a husband or kids, and I have no idea where I’ll be living in 5 years. I know there will be love and happiness, but will I look back in 20 years and wish I had chosen a secure and happy life at home? Again, no one can answer the question. There’s no way to know you are making the right decision, and perhaps it’s because you can make each decision into a right decision. Excluding decisions to rob a bank or race a train, the decisions we make don’t ultimately decide everything for us. If I decide to become a permanent ex-pat, maybe I still can have the husband and kids and we’ll just have a different family experience from what most Americans have. I met a cool family like that in Thailand and they gave me a lot of hope.

I know a lot of my friends are at other crossroads in their own lives. Stay with the boyfriend or try life on your own for a while? Stay at that job or go back to school and be broke again? I want everyone to remember that although you can never change a decision, bad ones don’t have to ruin your life. When something seems wrong there usually is some light at the end of the tunnel. Good decisions don't take care of themselves either. If you take the fabulous job or marry your boyfriend you still have to work at maintaining happiness. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I try to stay positive and remember that my life is my own. I’ll make what I can of it and hope to God that my loved ones are there to support me if it all goes awry. As the saying goes, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25

In Italy this summer I met an Australian girl and we had a blast partying for a few days.  Thanks to Facebook we’ve been able to stay in touch. This year is her Golden Birthday (when your age is the same as the day you were born) when she turns 25 on December 25th. In honor of living a quarter of a century, she is either going to do something she has never done, or go somewhere she has never been before, on each day leading up to her birthday. I wish I had come up with this idea (I turn 25 on November 26th) but as a lifetime procrastinator I’ll just steal the idea and make a “26 New Things To Do Before Turning 26” list. I commend her for committing to do so many new things, and so I decided to share her list with all of you.

25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25

December 1^st

First of Summer Backyard BBQ

*Remember, it is the beginning of summer in Australia! They are so lucky! I am also a little sad that she has never had a BBQ…she has obviously never lived in Wisconsin.

December 2^nd

Busking in public…all money will be donated to National Breast Cancer Foundation

*Busking means singing for money in Australian.

December 3^rd

Go stargazing.

December 4^th

Invent a cocktail.

*This is one of my favorites. I invented a shot once called The Green Monkey with equal parts Goldschlager and Apple Pucker. It was alright.

December 5^th

Farming Firsts

*Not totally sure what this means….I’ll get back to you with clarification. I’m guessing it means working on a farm?

December 6^th

Spend the afternoon with someone over 100 years old.

*I also like this one a lot. I’m not sure where she is going to find this individual but I think this will be a great day.

December 7^th

Dress and act like a Bogan Man

*I looked this term up….I think it is the equivalent of an American Red Neck minus the country music.

December 8^th

Swim in a waterfall.

December 9^th

 Inaugural Joggling Race

*This was my idea….I am SO excited to see her videos. Joggling is when you jog and juggle at the same time!

Check out joggling at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s61H643nL5I

December 10^th

Enjoy a 5 course backwards dinner

*That just sounds like fun. Who doesn’t want to eat dessert first?

December 11^th

Go to Imperial in Coonabarabran

*Coonabarabran is an Aboriginal town where her boyfriend is from originally.

December 12^th

Have wilderness sex in Coonabarabran

*Good thing it is summer down there.

December 13^th

Learn a magic trick.

December 14^th

Get a Brazilian wax.

December 15^th

Go yabbying.

*I needed the Australian translation here. She said to check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D69D3R52_L8

December 16^th

Sing karaoke at the staff Christmas party.

*This one is a bold move. Who remembers me being banned from doing karaoke at Stadium Bar?

December 17^th

Take a pole dancing lesson.

*I wish Eadie could give her the lesson. She tried to teach me in Croatia this summer and it was hilarious.

December 18^th

Go to Sydney for high tea at the Cupcakery.

*Paige would love to do this. Check out the website at: http://www.sparklecupcakery.com.au/

December 19^th

Have a girls only princess lunch at a winery in Sydney.

*I really need to have a princess lunch at some point in my own life. Check out the website at: http://thegazebos.com.au/winery/

December 20^th

Take a surf lesson.

*I would do this just to look at the other surfers.

December 21^st

Have a highlighter bowling party at Starlight Bowling Bar.

*A highlighter party means wearing highlighter colors.

December 22^nd

Walk from Cogee Beach to Bondi Beach.

*I looked this up…apparently it takes about 2 hours. I would like to point out here how jealous I am that she gets to be at a beach and we are getting ready for winter.

December 23^rd

Introduce her boyfriend to someone named Davo.

*This one doesn’t mean a lot to me….I’ll have to get clarification on who Davo is. Or maybe it is a food? A sex move? A childhood pet?

December 24^th

Have a Final Countdown Party.

*I think this is just an excuse for a party. Which I applaud.

December 25^th

Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

So there it is. Her list of 25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25. I wish I was Down Under to help her celebrate, but I guess I'll just look at the photos and laugh at videos. Gives you something to think about though right? What sort of stuff do you wish you would do before your next birthday? When you are bored at work, or needing a distraction from calling that boy who is blowing you off, make one of your own lists! Use it as an excuse to get out there and try something new!

Ideas for 2011 ... My Own QLC

If I'm on the Game of Life, QLC Edition game board, this week would have me stalled on the square "Denied work visa, reconsider life plan. Lose a turn."

Here's what happened.

Last week I applied to be a tour guide with some companies that do European tours. I was so excited; this was going to be perfect! The companies are based in the UK and told me I would have to get a work visa before they could hire me. No problem, I’ve gotten visas abroad before, how hard can it be? Plus it’s not like I have a criminal record or am a burden on the state – I am an upstanding US citizen with money in the bank. Cue the application process. All is going great, I’m typing in my travel experience, listing friends in the UK I’ll stay with upon arrival, providing references, etc when BAM – it asks for my points. Uh oh, what points? Cue me realizing I forgot an important step, making sure I had enough points to even apply for the work visa. Again I’m thinking, no problem, I’m young, I have an education, and friends to stay with so I won’t live on the streets of London. I’m going through the point assessment when I get to a part that asks how much money I have made in a consecutive 12 month period within the last 15 months. It’s all in British pounds so I go to www.xe.com, convert my salary, then type it into the assessment. I click “Calculate” and wait a few seconds. Then I read, “I’m sorry, you are not qualified to apply for this visa.”  

WHAT?! I am 24, have a college degree, speak fluent English and made a decent amount of money at my last job. So I look at all the details of point assessment and learn that my fate was decided because I didn’t make at least 50,000 pounds – or $80,000 last year.  I thought about that for a moment; I mean it seems a bit unrealistic to be the minimum I would need. If I had a PhD and studied in England for a few years the minimum would have been attainable with my last salary. Of course if I had my PhD and had studied in England for a few years I wouldn’t have had the job with that salary. Is this what they call a Catch 22? Besides, if in my current situation I was making $80,000 a year, I doubt I would leave that behind to pursue a temporary work visa abroad. It doesn’t really matter what I think though, because in the end I just am not qualified to apply for the visa. Snooty English! 

So I return to the drawing board, yes for the second time in one week, and consider the bare minimums for what I want out of 2011. I came up with:

• See My Husband before he deploys
• Live abroad
• Travel to new countries
• Become somewhat conversant in a new language (at this point, I’m leaning towards Italian)
• Find a job I enjoy that allows me to travel
• Keep up with my blog (aka don’t live in the jungle with no internet access)
• Learn to cook really well
• Visit my international friends
• Keep in touch with my American friends
• Make enough money to live happily and travel to see friends 

After consulting this list I made a new list of possible short-term life plans for 2011. Some can extend into full-blown life plans, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Here it goes:

• Get TESL certification and teach English abroad…pretty much anywhere
• Work in Costa Rica for 6 months, learning Spanish, meeting new people, visiting friends and it would be close enough that American friends could easily visit!
• Work in Tokyo this summer
• Move to Thailand and find a job in Bangkok or Chiang Mai (this can be linked with teaching English if I want)
• Work on an international cruise ship
• Continue to look for international tour guide positions, but this time American companies!

As you can see, I am still working on big decisions before I can hammer out details. To those of you who keep telling me to get a real job, No! I don’t want one.  I am determined to find a way to work and travel and I know there are other people out there like me. I’ve even met people who are crazier than I am about this. I met one man in Chiang Mai who had been a professor in Australia before he went on holiday to northern Thailand. He loved it so much that he rented an apartment, found a teaching job at Chiang Mai University and never returned to Australia. He’s been in Chiang Mai now for 5 years. That could be me! Of course if I had my PhD and was teaching at an American University maybe I could also land that UK work visa and be a tour guide….

There Are No Calories In Cookies When You Are Sad

For better or worse, I am the type of person who makes quick decisions, gets ridiculously excited about them, then crashes hard when a wrench is thrown in the plan. I make my decisions, and then work out the details instead of the other way around. Sometimes this doesn’t work out so well and I find myself slipping into a depression coma brought on by a lost future, white wine, and lots of chocolate chip cookies.

I have always gotten lost in daydreams. I’m the friend who has to be talked back from the ledge after breakups because at some point after the third date I’ve decided he is perfect and we could get married. As most girls know, there is always that period between the third date and six months where life is wonderful – usually due to the fact that no one is showing their true colors and you haven’t met each others families. Then one day you find yourself as a date to a nightmare wedding or watching your boyfriend play video games for two hours. That day plants the seed of doubt in your lovesick brain. As we get older and relationships become more serious, it becomes easier to tune out that voice in your head (or the voices from your best girlfriends) that say, “He is not the right guy for you.” Wonderful families, expensive Christmas presents, and the memory of the time he brought you flowers when your childhood pet died usually help keep the internal earmuffs on. So does the horrifying realization that you have spent X amount of time with the guy and you don’t want to give all that up.

Edie, my funny British friend, once equated long relationships with waiting in line to see Michelangelo’s David. She enthusiastically joins the line, excited to see the famous sculpture. An hour into the wait she starts to question if it really worth it, her reasoning being that she is not an art major and she is getting kind of hungry. Two hours into it, strangers begin to argue about the line and she is hungrier. Three hours in and people are in full blown Line Rage, looking accusingly at anyone not in their group and picking fights with neighbors. Now she thinks her stomach is going to digest itself. But at this point she has waited three whole hours, time she will never get back, and she doesn’t want to quit. Four hours passes and she is still waiting. This is her breaking point - time to cut her losses and find some food. She’ll come back another day.

It is always hard to lose the future you planned, even when you didn’t know you were planning it. It doesn’t matter if you imagined yourself spending the afternoon with famous sculptures or the rest of your life with your high school boyfriend, when something falls apart you realize you need a New Plan. I find that it is easier to develop the New Plan with the assistance of alcohol and sweets. Yesterday it was wine and cookies. Some days it is a beer and gelato. I have a friend who dislikes sweets so she has a margarita with chips and salsa. You don’t always need booze either – one friend gave up drinking for Lent so she would drink tea with cookies. Whatever it is that gets you to your Happy Place.

My Old Plan was to move to Italy and get a visa to stay over the usual 90 days. Yesterday that dream dissolved and I was back to square one. I poured myself some wine, ate some chocolate chip cookies and started to brainstorm the New Plan. Where to live? What type of job to work? Why am I always asking myself the same questions?!?!?!

As I reached for my 5^th cookie (homemade so I couldn’t read a calorie count) I remembered that Paige once told me there are no calories in cookies when you are sad. Now those are words to live by.