What this is all about...

A quarter life crisis is a real thing. I know this because myself, and my best girlfriends, are going through it right now. This blog is dedicated to the day to day banalities/craziness of those quarter life crises. For those of you with questions, the qlc is when you realize that you have to be Responsible. It is when the job you accept is the beginning of a Career Path. It is when the guy/girl you date might be The One. It is when you get pushed out of the nest and you have to flap your wings enough to cushion the fall. Perhaps your thirties are when you get to fly?
The question isn't who is going to let me; 
it's who is going to stop me.
-Ayn Rand

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wear Sunscreen

A friend of mine reminded me of this great speech tonight. I found it online and had to post it here. It can be found at http://www.planetgary.com/sunscreen.htm

Wear Sunscreen

By Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '98: Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25


In Italy this summer I met an Australian girl and we had a blast partying for a few days.  Thanks to Facebook we’ve been able to stay in touch. This year is her Golden Birthday (when your age is the same as the day you were born) when she turns 25 on December 25th. In honor of living a quarter of a century, she is either going to do something she has never done, or go somewhere she has never been before, on each day leading up to her birthday. I wish I had come up with this idea (I turn 25 on November 26th) but as a lifetime procrastinator I’ll just steal the idea and make a “26 New Things To Do Before Turning 26” list. I commend her for committing to do so many new things, and so I decided to share her list with all of you.

25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25
December 1st
First of Summer Backyard BBQ
*Remember, it is the beginning of summer in Australia! They are so lucky! I am also a little sad that she has never had a BBQ…she has obviously never lived in Wisconsin.

December 2nd
Busking in public…all money will be donated to National Breast Cancer Foundation
*Busking means singing for money in Australian.

December 3rd
Go stargazing.

December 4th
Invent a cocktail.
*This is one of my favorites. I invented a shot once called The Green Monkey with equal parts Goldschlager and Apple Pucker. It was alright.

December 5th
Farming Firsts
*Not totally sure what this means….I’ll get back to you with clarification. I’m guessing it means working on a farm?

December 6th
Spend the afternoon with someone over 100 years old.
*I also like this one a lot. I’m not sure where she is going to find this individual but I think this will be a great day.

December 7th
Dress and act like a Bogan Man
*I looked this term up….I think it is the equivalent of an American Red Neck minus the country music.

December 8th
Swim in a waterfall.

December 9th
 Inaugural Joggling Race
*This was my idea….I am SO excited to see her videos. Joggling is when you jog and juggle at the same time!
Check out joggling at:

December 10th
Enjoy a 5 course backwards dinner
*That just sounds like fun. Who doesn’t want to eat dessert first?

December 11th
Go to Imperial in Coonabarabran
*Coonabarabran is an Aboriginal town where her boyfriend is from originally.

December 12th
Have wilderness sex in Coonabarabran
*Good thing it is summer down there.

December 13th
Learn a magic trick.

December 14th
Get a Brazilian wax.

December 15th
Go yabbying.
*I needed the Australian translation here. She said to check out this video:

December 16th
Sing karaoke at the staff Christmas party.
*This one is a bold move. Who remembers me being banned from doing karaoke at Stadium Bar?

December 17th
Take a pole dancing lesson.
*I wish Eadie could give her the lesson. She tried to teach me in Croatia this summer and it was hilarious.

December 18th
Go to Sydney for high tea at the Cupcakery.
*Paige would love to do this. Check out the website at: http://www.sparklecupcakery.com.au/

December 19th
Have a girls only princess lunch at a winery in Sydney.
*I really need to have a princess lunch at some point in my own life. Check out the website at: http://thegazebos.com.au/winery/

December 20th
Take a surf lesson.
*I would do this just to look at the other surfers.

December 21st
Have a highlighter bowling party at Starlight Bowling Bar.
*A highlighter party means wearing highlighter colors.

December 22nd
Walk from Cogee Beach to Bondi Beach.
*I looked this up…apparently it takes about 2 hours. I would like to point out here how jealous I am that she gets to be at a beach and we are getting ready for winter.

December 23rd
Introduce her boyfriend to someone named Davo.
*This one doesn’t mean a lot to me….I’ll have to get clarification on who Davo is. Or maybe it is a food? A sex move? A childhood pet?

December 24th
Have a Final Countdown Party.
*I think this is just an excuse for a party. Which I applaud.

December 25th
Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

So there it is. Her list of 25 New Things To Do Before Turning 25. I wish I was Down Under to help her celebrate, but I guess I'll just look at the photos and laugh at videos. Gives you something to think about though right? What sort of stuff do you wish you would do before your next birthday? When you are bored at work, or needing a distraction from calling that boy who is blowing you off, make one of your own lists! Use it as an excuse to get out there and try something new!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Challenge of the Week

I was looking through my glove compartment yesterday when I randomly pulled out Risen, the second album from O.A.R. This was my absolute favorite CD during sophomore year of high school and I still can't hear "Hey Girl" without thinking of one of my best friends from back then. I popped it in my car stereo and was soon driving down the highway, singing at the top of my lungs and smiling. So that's where this week's challenge comes from:

Find a favorite old CD (or find it on your iTunes) and listen to it all the way through. 


You can do this while driving, cooking, working out, whatever - but I guarantee that you will be in a great mood for at least the duration of that CD. Happy Listening!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Losing Myself in a Man ... My Own QLC


I realized this morning how incredibly needy and stupid I had been acting recently. After a conversation with My Husband that ended with me begging for him to respond to my texts and emails, I sat back in complete horror. I hadn’t learned a freaking lesson in the last 3 years.

This time 3 years ago would find me locked in my room, watching endless Friends reruns, and subsisting solely on saltine crackers. My college boyfriend had broken up with me a few weeks before, and I literally stopped functioning as a normal person. I was always sad, had stopped eating, and continually cancelled plans with friends. For the first week or two after the break up, I was delusional enough to believe he would call and tell me he made a mistake. I left voicemails and sent text messages. Then I woke up one day and thought to myself, “He would have called if he missed me.” I went cold turkey – not an email, text, or call for at least a year. I didn’t even open a Facebook message he sent me, deciding I’d rather not know what he had to say because it definitely wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear. I eventually recovered, as all broken hearts do, and moved on to new relationships and new adventures. I was always proud of myself for that day, when I acted on the decision to stop being a needy, annoying girl.

Three years went by and I did a great job quickly moving on from the guys who didn’t call and breaking up with the ones who were making me unhappy. When I found my friends stalking Facebook walls I would always silently congratulate myself for not having Facebook stalked an ex in years. Karma’s a bitch though, and all that self-congratulating caught up with me yesterday. I realized I had fallen back into old habits. You know the ones, like checking your phone even when it didn’t beep, looking at time stamps on Facebook to see if he was online, therefore maybe checking his email and possibly reading what you sent, and of course the biggie – pleading with him to respond to your messages. I am so unbelievably embarrassed that I would fall into the trap and become that clingy person again.

So this morning I made that conscious decision again and am setting myself free. For those of you who have never done this – it does NOT come easy and you have to be committed. I took some important steps to becoming independent again; I logged out of Mobile Skype so I would stop checking to see if he had messaged me (the ratio of my messages to his over the last week was embarrassing) and called a friend about a life development instead of emailing him. Now I should be clear that this is a completely different situation from the break up in college – I have no plans to end communication with My Husband! I just need to rescue myself from Got-Stupid-Because-Of-A-Man Limbo. I did it once before and I can do it again. Becoming aware of the situation was definitely the important first step.

One of the toughest parts about becoming independent again is finding people to vent to and ones to listen when you are excited over silly things. You can’t overburden one or two people here – that’s probably why guys get annoyed in the first place. Looking back, I know where I went wrong with My Husband. I complained too much about being lonely here without my girlfriends and he tired of hearing all my different life plans. Since I know this now, I can change what our conversations are about and talk to other friends about that bad day at work or my attempt at a new recipe. I traveled alone through Thailand for goodness sakes; I don’t need a man to text me to have a good day. Of course it is nice to feel like someone is thinking of you, but I was fine without it before. And why does his opinion make or break a decision? I have no idea, and I hate when I feel like this. It's time for me to make myself happy and do my own thing. Hopefully My Husband will make me smile once in awhile, but if not, this time I won't let it get to me. 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Ideas for 2011 ... My Own QLC


If I'm on the Game of Life, QLC Edition game board, this week would have me stalled on the square "Denied work visa, reconsider life plan. Lose a turn."

Here's what happened.

Last week I applied to be a tour guide with some companies that do European tours. I was so excited; this was going to be perfect! The companies are based in the UK and told me I would have to get a work visa before they could hire me. No problem, I’ve gotten visas abroad before, how hard can it be? Plus it’s not like I have a criminal record or am a burden on the state – I am an upstanding US citizen with money in the bank. Cue the application process. All is going great, I’m typing in my travel experience, listing friends in the UK I’ll stay with upon arrival, providing references, etc when BAM – it asks for my points. Uh oh, what points? Cue me realizing I forgot an important step, making sure I had enough points to even apply for the work visa. Again I’m thinking, no problem, I’m young, I have an education, and friends to stay with so I won’t live on the streets of London. I’m going through the point assessment when I get to a part that asks how much money I have made in a consecutive 12 month period within the last 15 months. It’s all in British pounds so I go to www.xe.com, convert my salary, then type it into the assessment. I click “Calculate” and wait a few seconds. Then I read, “I’m sorry, you are not qualified to apply for this visa.”  

WHAT?! I am 24, have a college degree, speak fluent English and made a decent amount of money at my last job. So I look at all the details of point assessment and learn that my fate was decided because I didn’t make at least 50,000 pounds – or $80,000 last year.  I thought about that for a moment; I mean it seems a bit unrealistic to be the minimum I would need. If I had a PhD and studied in England for a few years the minimum would have been attainable with my last salary. Of course if I had my PhD and had studied in England for a few years I wouldn’t have had the job with that salary. Is this what they call a Catch 22? Besides, if in my current situation I was making $80,000 a year, I doubt I would leave that behind to pursue a temporary work visa abroad. It doesn’t really matter what I think though, because in the end I just am not qualified to apply for the visa. Snooty English! 

So I return to the drawing board, yes for the second time in one week, and consider the bare minimums for what I want out of 2011. I came up with:
  • See My Husband before he deploys
  • Live abroad
  • Travel to new countries
  • Become somewhat conversant in a new language (at this point, I’m leaning towards Italian)
  • Find a job I enjoy that allows me to travel
  • Keep up with my blog (aka don’t live in the jungle with no internet access)
  • Learn to cook really well
  • Visit my international friends
  • Keep in touch with my American friends
  • Make enough money to live happily and travel to see friends 

After consulting this list I made a new list of possible short-term life plans for 2011. Some can extend into full-blown life plans, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Here it goes:
  • Get TESL certification and teach English abroad…pretty much anywhere
  • Work in Costa Rica for 6 months, learning Spanish, meeting new people, visiting friends and it would be close enough that American friends could easily visit!
  • Work in Tokyo this summer
  • Move to Thailand and find a job in Bangkok or Chiang Mai (this can be linked with teaching English if I want)
  • Work on an international cruise ship
  • Continue to look for international tour guide positions, but this time American companies!

As you can see, I am still working on big decisions before I can hammer out details. To those of you who keep telling me to get a real job, No! I don’t want one.  I am determined to find a way to work and travel and I know there are other people out there like me. I’ve even met people who are crazier than I am about this. I met one man in Chiang Mai who had been a professor in Australia before he went on holiday to northern Thailand. He loved it so much that he rented an apartment, found a teaching job at Chiang Mai University and never returned to Australia. He’s been in Chiang Mai now for 5 years. That could be me! Of course if I had my PhD and was teaching at an American University maybe I could also land that UK work visa and be a tour guide….

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Friends Like Us


“Friends Like Us” was the title before producers chose “Friends” for one of the most watched sitcoms of all time. It also happens to be my favorite show, and anyone who has ever lived with me knows I watch at least an episode a day. Usually more.

I was watching the very first season yesterday and realized the whole series began with the characters experiencing their own, albeit fictional, QLCs. Since I was 9 when those episodes originally aired, I completely missed half the jokes and didn’t understand their lives at all. Now I am 24, nearly 25, and I’m the same age the characters are during that first season. All of the episodes make so much more sense – I feel like it could be my group of friends sitting at Central Perk.

In terms of their careers, 1994 has Rachel serving coffee and years away from a giant office at Ralph Lauren. Ross works late nights at the museum and hasn’t once mentioned that he wanted to be a professor at NYU. Monica has to wear fake boobs and a wig to her job at the diner, only dreaming of being the head chef at a hip restaurant. Chandler types away at a cubicle doing god knows what, and Joey is in bad plays since he hasn’t been on Days of Our Lives yet. I don’t know what to say about Phoebe, she’s really out there in the beginning, but she does plays guitar on subway platforms instead of at Central Perk like in later seasons.

I’ve already written about some of the career dilemmas my friends are going through at the moment. I can only hope that within 10 years we are in those large offices with companies chasing us down to offer us fabulous jobs. It would also be nice if we had a friend organize a trip to the Bahamas, or a wedding in London. Actually, I think if we are placing bets, I’ll be the one to have my wedding in a foreign country. But hey, that’s just a guess.

Speaking of weddings, let’s glance at the characters’ relationships. In 1994 Ross is going through a divorce, Rachel runs out on her wedding, Chandler barely has any dates, Joey has too many dates, Phoebe is totally kinky, and Monica sleeps with all the wrong guys (remember Young Ethan?). In fact, the first episode shows Monica going out with Paul the Wine Guy. She ends up sleeping with him on the first date because he claims he hasn’t been able to perform since his divorce. As someone who has dealt with guys afflicted with that particular problem, I don’t really understand why she jumps at the chance to sleep with him – it doesn’t exactly scream this will be fantastic baby! Nevertheless, she ends up in bed with him, and subsequently upset when she realizes he lied to have sex with her.

I have friends in all of these situations. A good friend going through a divorce, several friends who have ended serious relationships or engagements, friends with no dates, friends with too many dates, friends who tell me way too much about their sex lives, and don’t even get me started on the friends who sleep with all the wrong men. In short, the writers got the situation right; they rounded up all the real life dating scenarios of twenty somethings and wrote a show about it. Granted, they could have given one character a stable(ish) relationship to represent that one couple we all know who have been together since college and will be together until they die. But maybe they didn’t want to throw that in our face any more than we already see it at dinner parties.

In just the second episode Rachel sums up the relationship aspect of the QLC. She says, “Remember when we were in high school? I thought I would just meet a guy, fall in love, and that would be it. When did it get so complicated?” I don’t have an answer to that, but yes, it is complicated. In high school I also thought that after college I would find a great job, start an exciting career, and that would be it. Also a fallacy and instead, complicated. Jen’s profile says, “Nothing in this world that’s worth having ever comes easy…” but still, wouldn’t it be nice?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Challenge of the Week

After doling out some advice this week I have decided to add a new component to this blog: Challenge of the Week. These challenges will be easy (most of the time, although some may be embarrassing so that you’ll laugh at yourself) and are guaranteed to make you happy in some way.

So let’s start November off right. Here is the inaugural Challenge of the Week:

Write an email, send a real letter, or call up a good friend you haven’t spoken with for some time. Use this week to reconnect with someone!

Remember: Make sure to ask your friend what is going on in his/her life before launching in on how great or horrible yours has been recently.