Friends Like Us

“Friends Like Us” was the title before producers chose “Friends” for one of the most watched sitcoms of all time. It also happens to be my favorite show, and anyone who has ever lived with me knows I watch at least an episode a day. Usually more.

I was watching the very first season yesterday and realized the whole series began with the characters experiencing their own, albeit fictional, QLCs. Since I was 9 when those episodes originally aired, I completely missed half the jokes and didn’t understand their lives at all. Now I am 24, nearly 25, and I’m the same age the characters are during that first season. All of the episodes make so much more sense – I feel like it could be my group of friends sitting at Central Perk.

In terms of their careers, 1994 has Rachel serving coffee and years away from a giant office at Ralph Lauren. Ross works late nights at the museum and hasn’t once mentioned that he wanted to be a professor at NYU. Monica has to wear fake boobs and a wig to her job at the diner, only dreaming of being the head chef at a hip restaurant. Chandler types away at a cubicle doing god knows what, and Joey is in bad plays since he hasn’t been on Days of Our Lives yet. I don’t know what to say about Phoebe, she’s really out there in the beginning, but she does plays guitar on subway platforms instead of at Central Perk like in later seasons.

I’ve already written about some of the career dilemmas my friends are going through at the moment. I can only hope that within 10 years we are in those large offices with companies chasing us down to offer us fabulous jobs. It would also be nice if we had a friend organize a trip to the Bahamas, or a wedding in London. Actually, I think if we are placing bets, I’ll be the one to have my wedding in a foreign country. But hey, that’s just a guess.

Speaking of weddings, let’s glance at the characters’ relationships. In 1994 Ross is going through a divorce, Rachel runs out on her wedding, Chandler barely has any dates, Joey has too many dates, Phoebe is totally kinky, and Monica sleeps with all the wrong guys (remember Young Ethan?). In fact, the first episode shows Monica going out with Paul the Wine Guy. She ends up sleeping with him on the first date because he claims he hasn’t been able to perform since his divorce. As someone who has dealt with guys afflicted with that particular problem, I don’t really understand why she jumps at the chance to sleep with him – it doesn’t exactly scream this will be fantastic baby! Nevertheless, she ends up in bed with him, and subsequently upset when she realizes he lied to have sex with her.

I have friends in all of these situations. A good friend going through a divorce, several friends who have ended serious relationships or engagements, friends with no dates, friends with too many dates, friends who tell me way too much about their sex lives, and don’t even get me started on the friends who sleep with all the wrong men. In short, the writers got the situation right; they rounded up all the real life dating scenarios of twenty somethings and wrote a show about it. Granted, they could have given one character a stable(ish) relationship to represent that one couple we all know who have been together since college and will be together until they die. But maybe they didn’t want to throw that in our face any more than we already see it at dinner parties.

In just the second episode Rachel sums up the relationship aspect of the QLC. She says, “Remember when we were in high school? I thought I would just meet a guy, fall in love, and that would be it. When did it get so complicated?” I don’t have an answer to that, but yes, it is complicated. In high school I also thought that after college I would find a great job, start an exciting career, and that would be it. Also a fallacy and instead, complicated. Jen’s profile says, “Nothing in this world that’s worth having ever comes easy…” but still, wouldn’t it be nice?

Challenge of the Week

After doling out some advice this week I have decided to add a new component to this blog: Challenge of the Week. These challenges will be easy (most of the time, although some may be embarrassing so that you’ll laugh at yourself) and are guaranteed to make you happy in some way.

So let’s start November off right. Here is the inaugural Challenge of the Week:

Write an email, send a real letter, or call up a good friend you haven’t spoken with for some time. Use this week to reconnect with someone!

Remember: Make sure to ask your friend what is going on in his/her life before launching in on how great or horrible yours has been recently.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I hope Halloween weekend gave everyone a break from your QLC meltdowns. For my American friends, I’m sure you are all nursing your Halloween Hangovers while watching scary movies today. For my international friends, if you did go to a costume party then join the hangover club, but if Halloween is just October 31^st to you, then at least eat a piece of candy in honor of the great Trick-or-Treating tradition.

While nursing your hangover and deciding how to tell me that you got more action dressed as a penguin than you do dressed as yourself - wander through Texts from Last Night and Badger Shout-Outs. Here are some of my personal favorites from today:

• Shout-out to hooking up with Mr. Rogers last night! Of course I'll be your neighbor!
  
• Shout-out to the girl dressed as the BP oil spill Friday night.
  
• Anti shout-out to the girl that bitched me out for wearing my blind referee costume. I wasn't making fun of blind people and clearly you don't get the joke. Lighten up, it's halloween.
  
• Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
  
• Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
  
• careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
  
• They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
  
• i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
  
• He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

As my own Halloween wasn’t so great, I thought I would give you guys a chance to talk about your own experiences. Jen got creative being a treasure chest, and I’m anxiously waiting to hear how my friends dressed up as Candy Land characters fared. What did you dress up as last night? Any epic adventures to report? At least tell me about how you saw a Sexy Bumblebee punch a Zombie. Or how a group dressed as the cast of Glee broke into song and dance at your favorite bar. Give me something!

I'm off to dress up as a German Beer Wench and hand out candy to kids....wish me luck!

There Are No Calories In Cookies When You Are Sad

For better or worse, I am the type of person who makes quick decisions, gets ridiculously excited about them, then crashes hard when a wrench is thrown in the plan. I make my decisions, and then work out the details instead of the other way around. Sometimes this doesn’t work out so well and I find myself slipping into a depression coma brought on by a lost future, white wine, and lots of chocolate chip cookies.

I have always gotten lost in daydreams. I’m the friend who has to be talked back from the ledge after breakups because at some point after the third date I’ve decided he is perfect and we could get married. As most girls know, there is always that period between the third date and six months where life is wonderful – usually due to the fact that no one is showing their true colors and you haven’t met each others families. Then one day you find yourself as a date to a nightmare wedding or watching your boyfriend play video games for two hours. That day plants the seed of doubt in your lovesick brain. As we get older and relationships become more serious, it becomes easier to tune out that voice in your head (or the voices from your best girlfriends) that say, “He is not the right guy for you.” Wonderful families, expensive Christmas presents, and the memory of the time he brought you flowers when your childhood pet died usually help keep the internal earmuffs on. So does the horrifying realization that you have spent X amount of time with the guy and you don’t want to give all that up.

Edie, my funny British friend, once equated long relationships with waiting in line to see Michelangelo’s David. She enthusiastically joins the line, excited to see the famous sculpture. An hour into the wait she starts to question if it really worth it, her reasoning being that she is not an art major and she is getting kind of hungry. Two hours into it, strangers begin to argue about the line and she is hungrier. Three hours in and people are in full blown Line Rage, looking accusingly at anyone not in their group and picking fights with neighbors. Now she thinks her stomach is going to digest itself. But at this point she has waited three whole hours, time she will never get back, and she doesn’t want to quit. Four hours passes and she is still waiting. This is her breaking point - time to cut her losses and find some food. She’ll come back another day.

It is always hard to lose the future you planned, even when you didn’t know you were planning it. It doesn’t matter if you imagined yourself spending the afternoon with famous sculptures or the rest of your life with your high school boyfriend, when something falls apart you realize you need a New Plan. I find that it is easier to develop the New Plan with the assistance of alcohol and sweets. Yesterday it was wine and cookies. Some days it is a beer and gelato. I have a friend who dislikes sweets so she has a margarita with chips and salsa. You don’t always need booze either – one friend gave up drinking for Lent so she would drink tea with cookies. Whatever it is that gets you to your Happy Place.

My Old Plan was to move to Italy and get a visa to stay over the usual 90 days. Yesterday that dream dissolved and I was back to square one. I poured myself some wine, ate some chocolate chip cookies and started to brainstorm the New Plan. Where to live? What type of job to work? Why am I always asking myself the same questions?!?!?!

As I reached for my 5^th cookie (homemade so I couldn’t read a calorie count) I remembered that Paige once told me there are no calories in cookies when you are sad. Now those are words to live by.

The Game of Life, QLC Edition - Kay's Adventures

A few weeks ago Kay ran into an obstacle that terrifies me. She had to buy a new car. Well, a new-to-her car. Her giant 1997 Ford Explorer finally died, spending its final moments limping into the Firestone near her apartment. If we were walking around on the Game of Life, QLC Edition’s game board, this would begin her epic adventure into the Mechanic Mud Pit and Car Salesman Forest.

The square after landing on “Your car dies on the way to a weekend work event, good luck!” would be “You learn how to take the bus to work and it takes 1½  hours, lose a turn.” This is the point where she enters the Mechanic Mud Pit and finds herself in the type of mud that sucks animals in and preserves them for millions of years. She takes decisive action and asks Firestone to run a diagnostic test. The mechanic tells her it is the car battery. Great! She bought a new battery less than a year ago from Meineke and has a warranty. She calls Meineke and tells them her car is at Firestone, could she meet them there to have them look at the battery? They agree – yay!

Except she is in the Mechanic Mud Pit and apparently that translates to, “Please tow my car, park it in the handicapped spot in your parking lot, which is nowhere near where I live or work, and run another diagnostic.” She gets a phone call later in the day explaining that it is not the battery, it’s something else that will be very expensive but do not worry, they can fix it! Not only is she stunned to learn that her car has been moved miles without her consent, but now she has to figure out who is telling the truth. What is wrong with her car?

She calls Meineke and informs them that she decided not to fix it, she will sell it and buy a new-to-her car. Trust me, she has put a lot of money into the Explorer and it was time to send it to the magical place wherever Cash for Clunkers cars go.  “No problem,” says King of Mechanic Mud Pit, “just come get your car before we close tonight.” TRICKY since they towed it miles from where she lives and oh yeah, it doesn’t work. She tells them all this and their reply? “Well, you can’t leave it here. It is in a handicapped spot and we can have it ticketed.” For those of you who were reading closely, Meineke was the one that left it in their handicapped spot, not her.

I’ll speed ahead here to say that she sold it to a guy who has some interest in old vehicles. At that point she had been in tears more than once and just wanted out of the Mechanic Mud Pit. She drew the “Sold Your Clunker! Proceed to Car Salesman Forest” card and advances one weekend. She dives head first into researching possible new-to-her cars. I told her I was proud of her – I don’t even know where to start in terms of looking for cars, but there she was, doing research and deciding which car lots to visit.

For any of those who went to my high school, you will remember a certain young Theology teacher we had who believes in unicorns (she said that, I am not making it up.) The one thing I remember from that class is when she told us to always bring a guy with us when we go to buy a car. Kay would agree to that now too. She was reduced to tears several more times as she dealt with people she was certain were lying to her face, talking above her head on purpose, and basically making her feel like a girl lost in the woods with wolves on the loose. Think the beginning of Beauty and the Beast.

Kay is a tough southern girl though, and she didn’t break down and buy a car from a dealership she didn’t trust. At this point her boyfriend came through and contacted his friend who worked at a Mazda dealership in town. The friend introduced her to a sales guy in his dealership who she finally felt comfortable talking with. He listened when she told him her price range and explained all the ridiculous sales jargon that normal 23 year olds do not know. In the end, she drove off the lot (and out of the forest) in a leased Mazda 6.

Good job Kay! You survived the Mechanic Mud Pit and Car Salesman Forest! Proceed to Happy Hour!

Dear Men: This is an Attempt to Describe PMS

Today I found myself attempting to explain PMS to My Husband. Here is the description I came up with: 
Imagine that you have spent the last 17 hours on flights and dealing with airport delays. While on the last plane they ran out of food and couldn't feed you - but other people got something to eat and you can see them eating! Then when you arrive at your destination the airline has lost your luggage. And finally, you realize the cab driver is screwing you over on the fare to your hotel. 

Guys, does that help? I tried to put it in terms you could understand!

Girls, what do you think? If you have a different description a guy can relate to feel free to post!

http://www.flamemultimedia.com/images/pms.jpg

Guest Post: Rachel's QLC

My friend Rachel has begun to question her career, even though she has a great entry level marketing position. I’ll let her tell you - in her own words - what happened when she went searching for her true passion, while still working at her QLC job:

I've always thought that I wanted to go into sports marketing or advertising. So when I landed a job at a communications firm with a very prestigious client list, I was ecstatic. Without getting too specific, I work for a really well known client and buy advertising space for them. It's a job that most people I know would kill for, and after two weeks I realized that I have no interest in it at all. I was looking at my supervisor, thinking that I could have her job in a few years (which is pretty much just my job with more responsibilities) when I realized that that would suck. It's funny how I always thought I wanted to do this, and now that I'm actually doing it, I don't enjoy it. And, even if I end up in sports, it'd be the same situation.

Cue panic attack. I have no idea what to do with my life. So I spent a few days going over all the careers I had ever considered, picking them apart to figure out if any of them seemed like a good idea. Fortunately, the exercise proved successful. Ever since the 7th grade, I've wanted to be a teacher. I always thought of it as a stupid idea, although I'm not sure why, because it's really not at all! For example: I'd get to work with people, I'd get to deal with subject matter I love (I'm a huge history nerd), I'd get to be creative, and I'd get to experience changes (new students) and stability (same classes) at the same time... It's brilliant. So, I've decided to quit my job in a few months and go to grad school to pursue my Master's in Education.

In order to make sure that this wasn't just some idiotic romanticized idea that I had, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to my high school for a day and observe. I called up two of my former teachers whom I still keep in touch with, and they were thrilled. Actually, one of them, Andrea, literally said, "I was wondering when we'd have this conversation, I always knew you'd end up being a teacher." So I decided to go in on a Friday that I didn't have to work. Now, let me back up just a minute. My supervisor (who I love) is engaged, and her fiancé, Jason, happens to teach at my old high school. I know this because Supervisor told me on my first day when she found out my hometown. Now, I've never met Jason, I've just seen pictures of him in Supervisor's office. And I know his name is Jason.

Fast forward to Friday. I'm at my old high school and I can't wipe the smile off my face. This is perfect. Great idea, Rachel. Midway through the day, Andrea had a period off and we went down the hall to grade some tests. I'm completely engrossed in our conversation, chatting her ear off about my life, when all of a sudden she pauses and says "Oh, Rachel, I want you to meet someone! Jason, this is Rachel!" I freeze, slowly turn around, horrified grin plastered on my face, and look into the eyes of Jason, my supervisor's fiancé. He just happened to be sitting out in the hall for hall duty. He smiled, shook my hand, and asked me what I was doing back at school. Thank God Andrea jumped in and excitedly told him about my life plan, because I couldn't even think. MY CURRENT SUPERVISOR’S FIANCE WAS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DESIRE TO LEAVE MY JOB AND HAD NO IDEA MY BOSS WAS HIS FUTURE WIFE. Seriously, he kept telling me what a great idea it was, encouraging me to follow my dreams, completely unaware that he was really saying, "Yeah, totally screw over my fiancé!" Then, Andrea announces she's going to the bathroom and will be right back. I am now alone with Jason.

Here's the thing: I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm a pretty good liar. "You're the best I've ever had," "No Dad, I didn't drink your beer," "They didn't cut your hair too short, it looks great!" whatever. But if Jason would have asked me where I currently worked, I was so panicked I literally could not think of a lie. Not even to say The Gap. Through some miracle of God, he didn't ask. In fact, he was really helpful. Which made me feel AWFUL. I literally just stood there and nodded/shook my head to his questions due to my severe dry mouth. Finally, Andrea came back and we left Jason in the hall. As soon as we returned to her room, my secret came up like word vomit. Andrea just about died laughing. What in the hell are the odds of that happening? I was basically on a pseudo-job interview, and was partially interviewed by my current boss' fiance, who had no idea. Oh, and then, the following week we went to a concert for work, and who decides to invite their fiancé??? THAT’S RIGHT. Instead of spending the night enjoying the concert, I spent my time James Bonding around the venue so I wouldn't have to talk to him. Not that he'd remember me, but why would I risk that? "Hey, didn't I meet you somewhere before? OH YEAH! You're the chick who wants to quit her job!" Uh, no thanks.

So that's my tale of  fiancé-dodging. I'm currently in the graduate school application process, and so far so good. Luck is fortunately on my side, for now!