I had a run-in with one of these guys not so long ago. He owned his own company, therefore showing me he was not a bum. He set his own hours, therefore having the freedom to do exciting things unlike a lot of American guys working a zillion hours a week. He was an outgoing person who was friends with quite a few bartenders; therefore I thought we had some type of mysterious personality trait in common. We went out one night and everything fell apart. Just to give you a short list of deal breakers:
He was a conservative Republican. I am a fairly liberal Democrat.
He never cooked. I absolutely love to cook and bake.
He didn’t see the interest in international travel. I don’t have an interest in living in the States.
He didn’t like spicy food. At this point, I can only eat spicy food.
He didn’t drink beer. I am a bit of a beer geek. I mean, I go to festivals and live for brewery tours. He subsists solely on Captain and Cokes.
Basically all we had in common was that we both liked going to bars. There are a lot of bars; I never saw him again.
Marisa had one of these dates this year as well. Here’s a quick rundown of the evening in her own words:
So he called on Tuesday, asking if I would go out to dinner on Thursday. Jim seems nice, but Jim seems boring. He's about 6'2"ish, really skinny, strikes me as a little dorky. As far as our date goes, it was a very good date (even though I was still hungover from Wednesday night). He made reservations (which has NEVER happened to me before), picked me up (also rare), and drove us to the restaurant. He did all the gentlemanly things a guy should do. He opened doors for me, walked in front of me down stairs, behind me when going up. Let me sit at the table first, and of course, paid. It wasn't awkward at all, in fact we talked the entire time. The only awkwardness was when I decided to order dessert and he didn't... and the waiter brought us two "on the house." But we have nothing in common. He plays golf, sings in a funk band, has two sisters, and has never played a contact sport. It made me feel very masculine. Dinner ended up lasting almost 3 hours, but no sparks the entire time. He dropped me off at the end of the night, and I bailed out of the car quickly to avoid any "do we kiss or not?" awkwardness. He texted me later to say he had a really good time and whatnot, but I haven't heard from him since. That's okay by me, I'll be glad if he also realizes we have nothing in common. He's a nice guy, but I feel nothing.... It's a shame, isn't it?
Another one of my friends found herself in the situation of dating a dream guy, but feeling absolutely no chemistry. They went out several times and just like Jim, he did everything a guy is supposed to do but no one actually does. This guy was exactly her type too! He was just a bit taller than her, funny, attractive, all of us liked him, but nada. They kissed a few times but she finally took the mature road and ended it politely. I know very few friends who end casual dating encounters politely, so this was a big move. He didn’t feel the same and admitted that he was sad it had to end, but perhaps they could remain friends. Even the breakup was polite. These guys do not exist.
Except they do exist. We just can’t find them often enough. To put it in Planet Earth terms: Great Guys are the snow leopards in South America that the film crew waited 4 years to film, but when they did get footage, it was absolutely amazing. So there we are, waiting for Great Guy to sit next to you on a plane, or whatever meet cute you fantasize about, and in the meantime we are making out with too old frat boys and going on dates with guys who weirdly worship Tupac. To make things more complicated, when we meet very few Great Guys, the odds of the Great Guy being Great Guy for You are not in our favour. Instead, we try to mold Average to Below-Average Men into Great Guy for You and to be honest, I haven’t witnessed too many happy endings there. What is a girl to do?
I wonder if guys have the same problem in reverse. Are they waiting on Not Too Crazy Girl while dating Can't Remember My Own Name Girl? If dating was a Venn Diagram for women, I feel it would look like this:
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