Last Saturday I had the pleasure of being ½ of a Siamese twin act for a circus party. I’m not even sure how I was roped into doing it, but in the end it was one of the funniest/most embarrassing things I have ever done. For some of my international friends, Siamese twins are conjoined twins – in this case we were joined at the arm. Sit back and relax, I’m going to walk you through the events…
My friend Gina and I agreed to be the Siamese twins for the Atomic Cowboy’s 5th birthday party. It’s a fun bar that often puts on burlesque shows and is known for being wild and crazy. They decided to go all out and do a circus themed birthday party - and go all out they did! They hired circus performers to do everything from trapeze to strongman acts. They also organized a “Freak Show” that partygoers could gawk at, modeled after those of the old circus days in America. Three times that evening people would walk through the show, stopping first to see a faceless mermaid, then the bearded lady, on to Medusa with a live snake wrapped around her, then us, the Siamese twins, and finally a twenty minute strongman act.
When we arrived for work we wandered about awhile, checking out the circus games and other performances going on at the party. We finally made it upstairs to the dressing room where we met the girls playing the other parts of the “Freak Show.” Medusa looked fabulous; she was wearing a sexy green outfit from her belly dancing shows and had her hair piled up in a Marie Antoinette style complete with tiny, fake snakes weaving in and out of the curls. The bearded lady costume was great too – she had a Gone with the Wind type dress (think southern belle with a giant hoop skirt) and parasol to make her look as demure and feminine as possible, while of course sporting a beard and mustache. The faceless mermaid costume was terrifying – it was a gold body suit that stretched from fins on the bottom to fabric that she pulled up to entirely cover her face. Gina and I wore red kimonos that someone had sewn together at the arms, along with matching black wigs. At 8pm we took our places for the first show.
As all first performances go, there were some problems. For one, the guy who was bringing the snake to drape around Medusa didn’t show up, so she basically just sat in her chair staring meanly at people who walked by her booth. The faceless mermaid didn’t want to get into her tank of water yet since it was cold and she didn’t want to sit around in a wet, cold costume for three hours in between shows. The bearded lady only had her beard as her roommate hadn’t shown up with her mustache yet. Gina and I didn’t have any costume issues, but we also didn’t have a clue what we were supposed to do during our act. Should we interact with people? Should we pretend to argue like real Siamese twins might? What should we do?! To complicate matters, we were standing under these bright red lights that made it impossible to see out past our booth. We could see feet as people walked by, but had no idea who was in front of us. We gave up figuring out what to do and just did our best to keep a straight face while attempting to watch the faceless mermaid off to our right, and the strongman act to the left.
The last stunt the strongman performed was absolutely terrifying. He lay upon a bed of nails and placed a plate on his stomach. He then had an assistant throw a bowling ball onto the plate. He would amaze us by not becoming impaled on the nails. Right before the assistant threw the ball I had a flash of us being an episode of CSI. I could see it perfectly – something would go wrong with the stunt and he would die instantly as a nail pierced his heart. The police would swarm the “Freak Show” and interview us still in costume. Gina and I would be connected and say something along the lines of, “We couldn’t really see anything because of the lights,” and the faceless mermaid would be de-masked in front of everyone and use her interview as a way to vent about being claustrophobic in her suit. Then the ball landed on the strong man and he popped back up – completely alive and well. I guess no CSI that night after all.
Between performances, Gina, the faceless mermaid and I would strip off our costumes and run to the bar for a shot. I quickly made friends with one of the bartenders and he made sure we never had to wait since hello! we obviously needed some booze to make the show better! And yes, it did get better. Before the second performance the guy arrived with a live anaconda to wrap around Medusa, the roommate delivered the mustache, and of course, the faceless mermaid and twins drank at the bar. We took our places again and had a much more interesting show. Loosened up a bit, Gina and I thought everything about our situation was getting more and more ridiculous, and we even let people step into our booth and take photos with us. The downside was that we were right after Medusa. Partygoers who were completely amped up about seeing a gigantic live snake then got to us and were disappointed that we weren’t actually twins. Gina came up with a great answer, “We have different dads.” People would wander off completely confused while I tried my best not to collapse in laughter.
Before the third performance the bucket of beer I requested be placed in the dressing room miraculously appeared. I should seriously be on a list of People with a Talent to Get Free Stuff. While we grabbed PBRs, my new bartender friend entered with shots for us. YESSSS! Flash forward to the third show, which coincidently was the best of the night. The owner of Atomic Cowboy was hilarious and came by a few times to make us laugh. We were well into our act as arguing twins and Gina was cracking me up every few minutes. She kept telling people that she wanted to undergo an operation to separate us, but that I wouldn’t sign the forms and I was therefore holding her hostage. Anyone who asked about our lives got an answer along the lines of, “She smiles, I frown. I laugh, she cries. I drink, she gets drunk.”
The faceless mermaid was getting more into the act as well. This time she jumped into her tank of water to wave at people. Unfortunately, she almost died because she couldn’t see through the mask and had a minor freak out when she needed to surface for air. In addition, the guy in charge of the snake apparently decided to join the show. He whipped out a baby alligator and scorpions from nowhere and stood talking with people who were supposed to be admiring Medusa. I named him Steve because he was dressed in Steve Irwin impersonator clothes (I later discovered his name WAS Steve, damn I am good) and get this – he holds the Guinness World Record for holding a scorpion in his mouth the longest. WHAT?!
The third performance of course flew by and we all sprinted to the dressing room to change into our normal clothes. We made it outside in time to see an amazing aerial tissu act which was strangely erotic (unfortunately the guy with the perfect body was gay – sigh) while totally riveting. I couldn’t get a photo of them – but for those of you wondering what aerial tissu is, here is a photo I found from the St. Louis company, Belle of the Ball to give you an idea:
All in all, our time as freaks at the Atomic Cowboy circus was exciting and wonderfully embarrassing. I became better friends with Gina and found out how funny she is. I met several people who weren’t afraid to let a live anaconda wrap itself around them. I met a world record holder who is weirdly into scorpions. I learned that you should not jump into water with your face fully covered and no use of your feet (ok, I kind of already knew that) and I discovered that $20/hr and free drinks is my going rate for letting someone label me a freak for the night.
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