Half Your Age, Plus 7

This weekend I learned the “Divide by 2, Add 7 Rule.” Apparently it’s an accepted and established rule and yep, it’s even in Urban Dictionary. The rule states that you can only date someone half your age, plus seven. At age 25, I am allowed to date a guy who is 20. I argued that technically I could date a 19.5 year old, but my friend informed me you must round up in these situations. So a 20 year old is the youngest guy I can date, and the oldest is 35 (because 35/2 + 7= 24.5).

I decided a long time ago not to date guys who were younger than me. Quickly I will bullet point this argument:

• girls mature faster than guys, explaining why guys 24 and younger still act like they are 19 most of the time
• guys out of college are more likely to have a job and therefore be more responsible than a 19 year old
• the obvious….a few more years gives them more experience, therefore (hopefully, definitely not always) better at the important stuff
• get your mind out of the gutter, I meant he is more likely to actually call you when he says he will and surprise you with flowers once in awhile
• ok and yeah, be better at the other important stuff

Let’s take me on 3 hypothetical dates with guys in my age range.

The 20 Year Old

How We Meet

He buys me a shot. He asks for my number. Or hey, let’s be real, he gets my name and Facebooks me from his iPhone right there at the bar. I’m a bit intoxicated so I think that’s a fine idea and accept his request from my Blackberry. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg.

Contact

Friday evening he posts on my wall: Going out tonight? Let’s say that I don’t know he’s 20, or my girlfriends dare me to respond, or I’ve been drinking since Happy Hour and can’t keep the BB out of my hands. I say: Of course! Text me later and give him my number. Around 11:30pm I get a text saying: Where r u?

The Inevitable Break Up

It won’t be a break up. He will stop calling and perform a phase out. Too bad I perfected the phase out while he was at his first high school dance and have already deleted him from my phone. We’re still Facebook friends though – defriending shows that you care.

The 27 Year Old

How We Meet

I’m working at a bar. I have an actual conversation with him and discover we have things in common. But I’m working, so I really can’t talk much. He asks for my number, I say I don’t give it out while working (it’s true!) but that if he wants, he can give me his. He writes it down and I have the decision to make later.

Contact

If I am really interested I text him sooner rather than later. Like Monday. He texts back that same day and possibly we exchange a few texts before getting on with our job filled lives. He calls me Thursday and asks if I want to grab a drink Friday after work. This is a smart move because neither of us commit to dinner – therefore we can escape after a quick drink if it turns out we really aren’t compatible, or decide to grab food if it is just the most fantastic date ever.

The Possible Break Up

There is a build up of fights, awkward phone conversations and a feeling of impending doom. Eventually we sit down and have a somewhat adult conversation and end the relationship. Then I move all the stuff out of his apartment and go out for drinks with my girlfriends.

The 35 Year Old (For the record, I’ve never dated a 35 year old, but some friends have so I’ll use them as an example)

How We Meet

He starts talking to me while I wait for my girlfriend somewhere, most likely a bar. He is funny and charming and is completely polite while I wait on my late friend. When she arrives he buys us a drink and asks for my number. Well this is nice, sure ok. Then I promptly forget him while my girlfriend and I gossip all night.

Contact

He calls me – no texting – around Wednesday. He asks me out to dinner at a nice place Friday. I say I’ll have to make sure I don’t have plans, then hang up and call my friends. They say go for it. Except Kay who says I shouldn’t because that guy seemed like someone her grandma would set her up with. But majority rules so I call him back and agree to the date.

The Break Up

I realize he is a) getting over his first marriage  b) desperate for a first marriage  c) completely normal and just spent his 20s studying to be a doctor/lawyer/pharmacist/inventor and he is just getting around to a social life. If situation a) occurs then I break it off quickly because that’s way too much drama. If situation b) occurs then I try to break it off, fend off phone calls and emails, and eventually have to start dating the 20 year old in front of him to show him I really am not interested. If situation c) occurs then I let him buy me dinner and see if he can fit in with my friends. If not, then a mature break up takes place and everyone moves on with their lives.

I based this off of actual experiences myself and my girlfriends have had. The ones who try to date younger always end up frustrated. The ones who date a lot older always end up in very, very, very strange situations. I'm thinking our age and a few years older sounds the most promising. Someone who is in the same place in their life, maybe even a bit more settled and can be a harbor in the QLC storm.

I should fess up to something here. My Husband is 24, soon to be 25 – yes he is 2 weeks younger than me. I still can’t decide if that really counts as younger. I have this hope that when he turns 25 he will be less inclined to go to strip clubs and do beer bongs. Unfortunately, I don’t think so. Of course I can’t be hypocritical as I drink like I did when I was 22 once in awhile. The difference is that I feel so horrible the next day it keeps me in check for a long time. The exception is Badger Game Day. In Wisconsin everyone drinks like they are 22. 60-somethings are the first at Jordan’s and Lucky’s, sipping Bloody Marys at 9am. And trust me, they’ll be going strong while the 20 year olds are passed out in the bushes. At least as guys get older they learn how to pace themselves. 

Mind out of the gutter again! I meant pace their drinking.

Ok, and during the other important stuff.