What this is all about...

A quarter life crisis is a real thing. I know this because myself, and my best girlfriends, are going through it right now. This blog is dedicated to the day to day banalities/craziness of those quarter life crises. For those of you with questions, the qlc is when you realize that you have to be Responsible. It is when the job you accept is the beginning of a Career Path. It is when the guy/girl you date might be The One. It is when you get pushed out of the nest and you have to flap your wings enough to cushion the fall. Perhaps your thirties are when you get to fly?
The question isn't who is going to let me; 
it's who is going to stop me.
-Ayn Rand

Monday, November 29, 2010

Cindy's Adventures

I haven’t mentioned my friend Cindy yet, but so much has happened to her this month that I feel her exploits deserve their own post. Cindy is 22 and currently in school. She has a few part time jobs and goes to as many bars per week as I did when I was selling beer. She recently ended a long-term relationship and has been on the rebound ever since. To help you beat the Monday Blues, here is a quick rundown of her love life since Halloween.

Crowning the King
For the first night of Halloween Cindy dresses up as a contestant from “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” the Nickelodeon game show that was big when we were younger. Fairly early in the night her group of friends ends up at a strip club (not unusual for them) but has to leave when she gets in a fight with a stripper who started out the dance dressed as Snookie. The night continues to spiral, and she remembers less and less as not only was it Halloween, but everyone was celebrating her birthday. That’s just a bad mix, let’s be honest. So eventually she wakes up and is in bed next to her friend’s roommate.
Bad Sign #1: Her lip feels swollen. No no, not from the fight with Snookie stripper, but from the lip biter she spent the night with. She had spent the night there once before and it turns out he has some sort of vampire biting fetish.
Bad Sign #2: A crown is hanging from the lamp next to his bed. Now where did that come from? She wakes up the guy and asks him. He gives her a strange look, “You don’t remember?” She shakes her head. He cracks a smile and says, “ You made me wear it last night.”
Yes – during.
She made the habitual lip biter wear the crown DURING.
He ended up giving her a tiara for her birthday.

How Much Can An Elephant Drink Before Calling 911?
The night after Halloween I jump in the car to work with Cindy and notice she looks exhausted.
“Long night?” I ask. Yay, I can feel a story coming on! The shift just got that much better. The group of friends went on another unplanned bar crawl and somehow Cindy was stuck with the most annoying guy ever, someone I’ll call Dumbo. Apparently he isn’t terribly annoying sober, but unfortunately on this night he became appallingly belligerent. At one point he was being really mean to her and she wanted to leave. Her friends were equally as drunk though, and nobody seemed to realize the extent of the situation. Of course they ended up at a strip club. He is becoming more and more argumentative and people are dropping like flies from the club. Next thing she knows it’s 4am and she is stuck getting the few remaining people home. Guess who needs a ride? Dumbo. Because she is a nice person, she wrestles him into the back seat where he continues to be completely ridiculous and extraordinarily rude. I’m just going to skip to the Pièce de résistance here. She is yelling at him to tell her where she should drop him off and all he seems to realize is that she is angry with him. So he says something along the lines of, “You don’t want me here, fine!” Then he grabs her phone, calls 911 and talks to the operator as if he is Cindy. He says that there is a belligerent white man in the back seat of her car – he stops to give an accurate description of himself here – and she needs the cops to come and get him.
Yes, he called the police ON HIMSELF.
Well, we all know that 911 does not look kindly on pranks or drunken phone calls and they quickly call her number back. Cindy answers the phone and apologizes over and over for Dumbo’s behavior and begs them to please not send any police. Finally she gets off the phone, turns around to yell at him again, but before she can say anything he opens the back door and sprints off into the night.
In his Halloween costume.

The Few, The Proud … and The Scary Guy
So after these last two encounters Cindy is very happy to meet Willy. She met him through a mutual friend and he seemed normal. Willy’s story is entwined with that of Andy, her neighbor who she met at a bar a few weeks ago.

Let me recap these stories in chronological order:
Willy Meeting #1: Mutual Friend introduces them and they both tell mutual friend they thought each other is cute. Mutual Friend decides they should all go out in a group setting later
Willy Meeting #2: Group setting meeting goes well. He is very nice, charming, mature and yay, he has a job! A real job! She ends up going home with him.
Willy Meeting #3: He visits her at one of her part time jobs. Just drops in to say hi and she thinks this is very nice of him. He mentions he wants to go to a hockey game next weekend and they make tentative plans to see each other again later in the week.
Willy Meeting #4: The two of them meet up at a bar, just the two of them this time. He proceeds to tell her that he has a crush on Mutual Friend. Hmmmmm….this seems weird. But the drinks take over and she ends up going home with him again.
Andy Meeting #1: Cindy sees him at a bar and is instantly attracted to him. She decides to use her favorite pick up line, “I have Beatles Rock Band in my room.” Long story short, they go home together. They go to his apartment and never actually get to play Beatles Rock Band. She has to leave early the next morning to go to work and is totally bummed to leave him.

Due to meeting Andy, suddenly Willy’s incessant text messaging and offers to buy her a microwave seem incredibly annoying. I had told her he was just being nice, but then he crosses the line into scary. Turns out his cousin used to date one of Cindy’s good friends. This Good Friend calls Cindy and asks why Cindy hadn’t told her she was dating Willy. Cindy clarifies everything here, stating they’ve just hung out a few times. Silence on the other end of the phone. Good Friend then tells Cindy that Willy told his mom about Cindy, who then told her sister, who asked her son about it, who then called his ex-girlfriend (the Good Friend) and told her the two were dating. WHAT?! No they were NOT dating, they had hung out FOUR times and hello, he had told her about his crush on Mutual Friend. So why was he telling his mom about her???? She decides to confront the situation and immediately calls him. 
Willy Conversation #5: He is hanging out with Mutual Friend (bad sign #25 here) and the first thing he says to Cindy is, “I miss you.” Cindy replies, “Are you drunk? I saw you a few days ago!” Of course this is not what he is expecting and he goes quiet. Cindy then asks why he told his mom about them and of course, he cannot give any type of normal explanation since in reality, they weren’t dating. The conversation gets more and more awkward until finally they hang up. 
She never heard from Willy again.

Andy however, plays prominently in her weekly recaps to me. Here’s my favorite story:
They decided to go out one night and he said he would pick her up at her parent’s house. Unfortunately for her, her dad was having a dinner party gone wild and all the guests were quite intoxicated. Word gets out that a boy is going to pick her up at the end of the driveway (she had asked him to meet her there instead of coming in to meet the Walking Bottles of Vodka that are the dinner guests). One woman gets so excited that she takes off out the front door, sprints down the driveway, and hides behind a bush. When Andy walks up she jumps out and scares the bejesus out of him. Cindy eventually has to ask him inside, where the adults proceed to corner him and ask him lots and lots and lots of questions. This is how sexy he is though – he completely rolls with it. He answers questions, has conversations without Cindy babysitting, and doesn’t let any of the drunkies phase him. It’s every girl’s dream! The next day he even stops by her family’s shop and goes in to say hi to her father. Last week he and her dad helped move her into her new apartment. A keeper? Maybe so!
But for the record – he told her she was the funniest sex he’s ever had.
I don’t even know what that means. 

1 comment:

  1. You really should post warnings on these if I shouldn't read them at work.. I burst out laughing and startled the girl at the desk next to mine four times. Although, I suppose I shouldn't be reading blogs at work regardless... Eh, whatever. And tell Cindy I too have no idea what funny sex means, although "funny" is better than "worst", so thats the bright side?

    -Rachel

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